that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
