He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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