i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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