just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
