hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
