My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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