We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
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