Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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