WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
whose ass print is on the piano?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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