forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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