i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So here I am, sexting at work.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
