So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
