The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Randomize
