She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
