Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
