Ambien. No doubt about it.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Randomize
