he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
