i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
