I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
