so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
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