you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
