I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
