So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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