you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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