In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
