He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
