i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I supernannyed him into submission
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
