It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
