Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
