really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize