grandma shit on top of the toilet
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Life is so much better after having sex.
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Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
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Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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