we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
