duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
