Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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