So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Randomize
