I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
