i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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