i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
