Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize