My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just high enough for therapy.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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