haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
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