its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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