Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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