I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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