so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
