My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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