I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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