If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
