yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
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