carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
