I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
