I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
