This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
