two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Randomize
