Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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