I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
