Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
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Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
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And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Also, beer. Big fan.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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