And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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