everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
