guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
