OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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