dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
