Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My vagina is very pro this idea
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
