meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
