i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
