Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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