I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Randomize
