Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
