well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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