Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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