Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
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ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
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You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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