dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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