Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
