My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize