You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize