Duck Duck Cougar?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
