people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
