mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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