no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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