You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Are we still banned from the library?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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