Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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