You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
