im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
