i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
